How To Recover From The 5 Stages Of Inbox Grief

I have recently been mourning the death of my “me” time at the hands of an insidious time killer – my email inbox. It crept up on me, as these things do, and then suddenly I realized I was entering into the classic stages of email grief:

Stage 1: Denial.
How can I possibly be getting this many emails each day? I go to bed and dozens appear overnight. Step into the restroom and receive another twenty. Take a meeting without multitasking? The dam bursts and dozens appear – some requiring just a quick reply but others posing questions which will require a more thoughtful (and time-consuming) response.

Stage 2: Anger.
What is wrong with people? Don’t they know better than to send “Thanks” via REPLY ALL to a distribution list? Once I allow the frustration to register, I can’t seem to shake it. I find myself muttering things like “Another context free forward!?!” under my breath and deliberately “forgetting” my phone when I leave my desk. This is not good.

Stage 3: Bargaining.
If I stop sending you “Got it” emails, will you stop sending them to me? I start cutting side deals with like-minded colleagues in a vain attempt to reduce the daily volume. I give myself pep talks on the subway about trying to clear as many mails as I can during my morning commute, even though I hate trying to process email on my phone.

Stage 4: Depression.
It’s hopeless. Given that professionals receive 121 mails per day on average, I am facing over 40,000 emails a year. It’s a never-ending communications treadmill. And as the new multi-channel communication paradigm becomes a reality (Snapchat, Slack, etc.), it’s only one of the many ways that colleagues, customers and random strangers can interrupt my daily routine.

Stage 5: Acceptance.
If my father can learn to text, I can rise above my inbox. Email is the backbone of our global communication infrastructure and those who can master it can instantly connect with a world of possibility. It’s not my job or responsibility to read and respond to every email I get. I (and every other professional on the planet) just need a strategy for how to manage the constant inflow.

Getting To The Other Side

And as suddenly as it started, I’ve moved through the stages and am ready to get back to work. In overcoming my email pain, I have found a few techniques that help me manage my inbox much more effectively:

Establish communication norms with your team: Some people are driven to seek out closed loop communication whereas others (like me) are comfortable assuming that a sent mail is a read mail. Figure out what’s important to your most frequent collaborators and then establish explicit protocols that address those needs. I have no trouble sending a recognition of receipt. I just don’t want to get any.

Use filters and folders: Many of us fail to capitalize on the more advanced features of Outlook and Gmail. You can establish filters which route emails to high and low priority folders, preventing an overwhelming inbox. Just remember to visit those folders with the right frequency so that important messages don’t go overlooked.

Set boundaries with your inbox: Many of us have developed an unhealthy relationship with our inbox, binge watching it as if it’s a season of Downton Abbey. Stepping away from your inbox is a healthy and necessary action to take. In fact, most productivity experts (myself included) advocate checking your email at specific times during the day (typically first thing, mid-day and last thing) and then closing it all the other times. Read that again. Yes, we’re suggesting you ignore email for most of the day and get your most important work done instead. If that seems like too much of a leap, try it as an experiment. Set an out of office message that lets your colleagues know when you’ll be checking mail again and gives them an alternative route to you (I use SMS) in the event of an emergency.

Get ahead of your inbox now and avoid the inevitable email grief. It’s not going to get any slower but it doesn’t have to be so painful.